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BlackGuy
#1 Posted : Friday, November 19, 2010 7:31:39 PM(UTC)
BlackGuy


Rank: Amateur

Groups: FFXIV Player
Joined: 11/19/2010(UTC)
Posts: 12
Location: Paper Box

Thanks: 4 times
Was thanked: 2 time(s) in 2 post(s)

[Intro]

~*-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*~

It was 147 years ago on a Windsday and the connection was questionable...My butler had brought us cups of steaming hot chocobo-latté for my sister and I that had been gathered from a nearby jungle. We heard a rumbling from beyond the horizon as tiny shadowy figures rose from a distance. As they marched closer I could see their brown treebark skin moving at us with great speed, breaking through the wind which then sounded like continuous thundering. My father just returned from his daily harvest. He picked us up in his arms with a mortified look in his appearance. We were small in size so he hid us inside of a hollowed-out tree in a remote field. He began to tell my sister and I that all these years of logging and harvesting had greatly angered the Plant Kingdom, whose newly elected king had decided to eradicate all who took from them for so long. He left us in the hollow tree to go back and defend our estate, fighting alongside our butler. My father was a level 39 Botanist and our butler was a heavyset level 35 Pugilist. After 11 hours of swinging hands and hatchets at the oncoming waves of tree warriors, the Plant Kingdom's commander had suffered too many casualties and ordered a retreat. Surviving warriors heard wooden horns blasting in the background and scurried back behind the horizon in the direction they came. My father barely had enough strength to keep his axe lifted at his enemies and was overcome with relief to see the army leave his estate. In minutes, he lost consciousness and collapsed to the ground with one hand still gripping his weapon. Our butler dragged father back into the house and prepared the finest herbs and alchemy had to offer, but father knew he was too ill to be saved. Sister and me ran to the house from the fields and saw the blood-drenched floor leading to the bed. Sister's eyes squeezed tightly but cried out almost instantly as she saw father nearly lifeless. My breathing stopped when father called us over to him. He warned us that the Plant Kingdom may return, and that I must take my sister far away from all natural territory. We needed to go live with mother and her sisters in Limsa where the city was fortified by stones and guards. Father's hand loosened as he dropped his axe to the side of the bed, and that was the last breath he took. Butler took us to a boat that went to Limsa but he went back home to take care of our estate and we never heard from him again. Sister caught sight of mother who had been waiting at the docks in Limsa and they embraced each other for the first time in several moons.

I knew if mother saw me she wouldn't let me ever leave her house...and I always wanted to venture on my own and be just like father. I took a long look at sister and went my own way for now, back into the jungles of the Plant Kingdom. Nobody had noticed it but I brought along father's old hatchet by hiding it under my doublet.


~*-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*~


[Present Day]

Today I am 153 years old and live in a mobile home...a warped paper box. My Eorzean name is Black Person but merchants call me Black Guy. I'm not sure if it's racist but they won't change their tune so I don't bother correcting them. I'm a dark skinned Lalafell with a deep voice and brightly pink hair.

As of today [11/19/2010] I am a level 14 Botanist without shoes.

My desire to overthrow the Plant Kingdom is great and I swing both ways. That just means I solve all of my personal problems with an axe.

Emotional problems...relationship problems...pet problems...I almost always solve them by swinging sticks at it. I like to rest between logging sessions by enjoying the scenery and chasing squirrels with my hatchet. I've tried to go mining with it but haven't gotten very far so I don't hunt for rocks anymore.

My turn-offs are people who sell marmot meat in the weapons section of the Market Ward. My turn-ons are afk Mi'Qotes. Recently I've gained literacy by chopping my name into trees, and lost some literacy by reading reviews of FFXIV.

To this day I still don't understand why people refer to this world as a game. But I've heard vague references to a world they call..."real life" and "outdoors". Whatever it is, it sounds like the sum of all my darkest fears.

A squirrel is walking this way as we speak. Must end journal entry, must end squirrel.


~*-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*~


[11/19/2010 6:30pm]

Time always slows down when I walk into the middle of town. I think the locals call this "lag". Anyhow, I tried wearing socks today and they ripped due to running away from angry wolves without shoes. I stopped by the weaver's shop to get a beginner's kit needle-and-yarn set.

Growing frustrated with all of my failed attempts, I now stand in a tangle of yarn webs. Claustrophobia is kicking in and I must act quickly to escape this cocoon of strings and knots. I closed my eyes and swung wildly in all directions for an undetermined amount of time. After opening my red and tired eyes, I was pleased to find a wad of strings on the ground and not on my body. Thanks to my quick wits and surgical precision, another problem is solved through the careful use of stick-swinging. In conclusion, socks have been added to my list of "arch nemesises" right beside "small rocks".


~*-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*~


[11/20/2010 5:14pm]

Dear diary, my rank is 17 today. Leveling is hard and wood is heavy. The sun feels really close.

I've encountered a species of unsquishable ants. It bit me for 711 damage but I got away somehow. Changes on my skin are happening. I feel woozy and strange. The toxic from the bite might have contracted superpowers into my DNA.

Its true! I'm beginning to carry items about 40x my size and weight with ease just like worker ants do.

*Lifts a cedar log off the ground then puts it down*

>.> *walks over to an afk Mi'Qote*

[16 minutes later...]


Apparently my super strength only allows me to lift wooden objects. My plans of kidnapping Mi'Qotes will have to wait.


~*-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*~


[11/23/2011 6:26am]

Dear diary, there are chairs floating over us in the sky. I think it has been watching me like santa.. but it's not xmas yet.


~*-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*~


[11/26/2011 7:51pm]

After the big update I tried one of the new Botany lv.20 leves in Limsa Lominsa. The task was to float over to a remote island across a mile of sharp rocks and ocean water. Failed because I'm not a bird. Bored



~*-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*~


[11/29/2011 8:12pm]

Landed on rank 27 Lumberjack and getting 41 exp each time! No limit is going to slow this tree destroyer down. Down with trees Sneaky




Edited by user Monday, November 29, 2010 10:15:44 PM(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

 1 user thanked BlackGuy for this useful post.
tammany tzu on 11/22/2010(UTC)
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BlackGuy
#2 Posted : Friday, November 19, 2010 8:46:54 PM(UTC)
BlackGuy


Rank: Amateur

Groups: FFXIV Player
Joined: 11/19/2010(UTC)
Posts: 12
Location: Paper Box

Thanks: 4 times
Was thanked: 2 time(s) in 2 post(s)
[condensed to first post]

Edited by user Thursday, November 25, 2010 9:58:50 PM(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

BlackGuy
#3 Posted : Saturday, November 20, 2010 7:33:17 PM(UTC)
BlackGuy


Rank: Amateur

Groups: FFXIV Player
Joined: 11/19/2010(UTC)
Posts: 12
Location: Paper Box

Thanks: 4 times
Was thanked: 2 time(s) in 2 post(s)
[condensed to first post]

Edited by user Thursday, November 25, 2010 9:59:07 PM(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

tammany tzu
#4 Posted : Monday, November 22, 2010 10:25:44 AM(UTC)
tammany tzu


Rank: Recruit

Groups: FFXIV Player
Joined: 9/27/2010(UTC)
Posts: 60
Location: Idaho

Thanks: 11 times
Was thanked: 6 time(s) in 6 post(s)
Good Job! Real Life only exists in the minds of dark elves.
Keep the updates coming, and your wood arm strong.

tammany tzu
BlackGuy
#5 Posted : Tuesday, November 23, 2010 8:04:27 AM(UTC)
BlackGuy


Rank: Amateur

Groups: FFXIV Player
Joined: 11/19/2010(UTC)
Posts: 12
Location: Paper Box

Thanks: 4 times
Was thanked: 2 time(s) in 2 post(s)
Yes...those damn dark elvises will pay. Once we implement a "Report" macro they will stand no chance against [GM]Chuck Norris.

Edited by user Thursday, November 25, 2010 9:59:23 PM(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

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